you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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