Can i not drive my cunt home
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
