I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
