she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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