I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize