3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Michael Bay diarrhea
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
