ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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