White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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