ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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