blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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