i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
