youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
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There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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