Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
