terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
