I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he fucked my hip out of place.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
