Pants 0. Shit 1.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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