So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
