i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
