dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
