I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
