I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
