There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
