Non-Jews are for practice
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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