I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize