i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
