I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
