I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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