there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
