What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
