I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
