and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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