I want to walk on stilts...naked
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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