I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
