He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
