i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
