The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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