Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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