I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize