Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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