Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
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Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
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Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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