Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
