OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
