Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
