Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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