I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
