so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
