Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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