You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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