I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
