my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
worst night to have a conscience
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
