ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
