I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
