dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
