I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
