Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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