Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
