I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Randomize
