He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
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you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
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I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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