ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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