Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
