Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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