I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
