Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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