You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
