My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
