TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I wish they made helmets for livers.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
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