I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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