She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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