A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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